By: Sr. Anunciata Grace
“Jesus, Mary, & Joseph, let me breathe forth my spirit into eternity with you.” As I prayed these words, a beloved resident of St. Agnes Home was taking her last breaths. She peacefully breathed her last surrounded by the prayers and love of her children and the sisters. This was the first time I had ever been present at a death, and it was at the death of a resident who is very close to my own heart. I can’t explain the joy and the trust which filled my heart, even in the midst of my tears. What a sacred moment! It was a moment in which I thought to myself, “This is what I want to do for the rest of my life. I want to love and pray souls into Eternity with You, Jesus.” To be present for the final moments of the life of this woman I love made concrete for me, in a new way, the faith I profess each time I say the creed. Indeed, I believe in the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body and Life everlasting! I believe in Jesus Christ, the only Son of the Father, who has come and is our Savior.
This was one of the most impactful moments of my time spent in the apostolate these last 6 months. I was asking Jesus for the grace to be present as someone took their final breath. I desired to be there, to pray with and for a soul, entrusting her to the Mercy of the Father. As I whispered to our dying resident, “Jesus, so so close, He is so close,” I felt the truth of that within myself. Yes, Jesus, You are so close. Our little and needy souls attract your mercy and draw You to us. What a mystery! The moment of this holy death brought me to the truth that is constant. Jesus is so close! And He is even attracted, drawn to my soul which needs Him so much. I experienced a deep longing for this resident to be folded up in the Arms of Jesus, held close to Him for all eternity. How striking to think that Jesus’ desire for us is infinitely greater than our own longings for Him! “Precious in the eyes of the Lord is the death of His faithful ones.”
In the midst of multiple recent deaths in our home and community, Jesus has drawn me into the reality that “He came that we may have Life, and have it abundantly.” A priest friend visiting our community spoke beautifully to our residents during a homily a few months ago, and it struck me deeply. He told them that their aches and pains of old age, their frustrations, even their forgetfulness is a new mode of discipleship. It is a new mode of following Him to the Cross and to the Resurrection. How beautiful! Though difficult to accept, it is precisely those things which seem to be obstacles that Jesus is using to make us into His closest disciples, to form us into Himself. He wants to bring His Life into every part of ours!
This is a very hopeful thought. It fills me with hope that in each phase of my life, from the most joyful to the most sorrowful, Jesus is offering me His Cross, His joys, His salvation. Right now, I am entering back into the “cloister” of my novitiate. I will spend the next 6 months in the silence of our convent, in solitude with our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament as sacristan. And as I reflect on our residents and the invitation of our Lord to them, I see that it is true for me too! He is offering me a “new mode of discipleship”, a way to follow Him more closely, Life in abundance. He always has more! It does not always look like what we would desire. It may mean aches and pains, forgetfulness, decreased mobility. It may mean times of loneliness, times of facing our own weaknesses, of tears. But this is the way of following Him to the Cross. And through the Cross to the Resurrection! Jesus has come to give us life and has given it in abundance.
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